Hey Molly Rae!

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 21:08:58 GMT

Club Bijou tomorrow. work tonight..

Man, i am so pumped..

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 20:22:20 GMT

I have work tonight.. It seems like I fucking work alll the time. I got to school, work, then some time in there for myself if I am allowed.. Everything I do, i do too much of it.. Everybody fucking complains.. I stay the night too much, you are out to much.. you sleep too much.. you need to be home more.. well sorry that i don't want toi fucking sit and watch television all day like you fat fuckers. Its like I can't make anyone happy ANYWHERE i go. I need to be home more.. or something.. Even when I am here.. I need people to stop coming over.. in 15 months.. when I am 18.. I'm out the door.. and Once I get enough money.. I am going to buy a car.. I need to fucking find a cheap car.. it would be sweet if I could buy one for like a thousand dollars.. mann.. I'd be so glad.. But lately I haven't even bothered to save my money.. I have been smoking more than ever... Feeling like the biggest bitch in the world.. how i used to be..

At work someguy gave me a picture of some guy with a huge as dick coming up over his shoulder.. i laughed... but i was pissed... but i still thought it was funny..

hmm, work in like an hour.

You know that empty feeling inside

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 20:07:55 GMT

My life couldn't be better right now.. There is just one thing I wish I still had and I guess it makes me crazy.. I know its been like a month now.. I'm still in love.. and I can't change that at the moment. I have this thing.. Where if it is completly over with, I need to know, I need to be told that nothing is anything anymore. Even if its just a frienship that we don't even have. I just need to feel that we both know what is going on, whats allowed and not allowed.

I have been hanging out with people.. and I sort of like someone.. but that doesn't even matter,, I haven't been myself.. Even if someone did like me.. it wouldn't be ME who they like. I have been a COMPLETELY different person... Besides all that my high freaking anxiety and panic attacks for no reason whatsoever.

I asked about going through councling again.. which might help myself from being so unsure.

No one should expect me to be over the person I first loved in a day... It's going to take time.. and for me.. A WHOLE LOT of understanding.. I just feel like a big piece of shit..

Why can't my life be easy?

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 18:56:39 GMT

work tonight, school sucks..

no lover for sweeetest day.. just beer.

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 02:59:06 GMT

ABBACAB, sweet.

the show... sweet.
almost kicking some chicks ass.. the sweetest.

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 02:16:55 GMT

When you are going through a tough time... you'd think that something will make it better..

I am growing out of being a teenager and becoming more of a woman... That is the only thing I have started to change more.

Now.. I saw that I have friends.. but I think my only TRUE friend is Morgan.. sup getting ditched?

I miss him. I miss us. This day was one of the best days of my life.

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 19:28:10 GMT

the only thing i am happy about is my 4.25 gpa.

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 21:32:42 GMT

I am actually pretty ridiculous. I want Terry.. he doesn't want me.

my myspace used to say "Bascially, my life consists of me and Terry. School fits in there too. He is my life and nothing is better than a day with him. I live day by day wishing he could be with me every second. I would not care if it was me and him only on this earth. A lot of people through my life have proved to me that I cannot trust people and that you can never keep a friend. I have had a lot of bad experiences with people and I would do a lot better off if I didn't get myself in the middle of a friendship. ........"

I'm ridiculous... I let myself fall for him to far.

Three things I need One- a life/ friends. Two - a car. Three- to stop being so depressed...

Sat, 07 Oct 2006 15:03:12 GMT

I calmed down because I thought everything would be okay. He isn't happy. I don't know what to do.

He is perfect. The most beautiful person I have ever seen. When he smiled, I couldn't help but do the same.

We have so many great memories. Our first time for everything is stuck in my head. The way I'd run up to him after he got done dancing at shows because I was lovee struck.

I loved hanging out with him and ASNDB in the very beginning. Going to shows and having him by my side. Spending time with other couples.. Tyler/Morgan, Cody/Becca, Maggie/ Blake. I told him how much I don't like Maggie but I did... I accepted her... It is just awkward around her and Blake.

I just wish I would of joined the fun of the music.. Would that change anything?

Was I unconciously getting tired too?

No, I will never get tired of the person I love the most.. and I could never ever decide to leave him. We always talked about a family.. Ilya! I WISH HE'D JUST STOP!

I will do what you want! I WILL STAY BY YOURSIDE! I WILL CHANGE MY BAD HABITS!

WE ARE THE SAME PERSON!

I just wish you realized that.

fucccccccccck

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 23:02:31 GMT

I don't know what is going on.. these past three days... all i have done is cry eat sleep and go to school..

I think Terry is pissed off at me.. or is breaking up with me.. i havent talked to him in two days... he won't call me..

seeing as i am obsessedd... i am upset..

i just want to talk.. i dont even know what is going on.. i fucking hate myself right now.

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 04:31:25 GMT

Sunday was Terry's birthday... I love him..so much

I havent seen Morgan in forever. Sometime soon I will see her hopefully.

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 04:43:48 GMT

I heard a word from on high

Clear like a light in the sky
It said, "quit blowing each other up"

The voice seemed so crystally clear
Some things are clean in your ear
When only blood fills your cup

Hello
I'm trying to focus, but my eyes decieve me
Focus
I'm witnessing history repeating

It fell like a tear from my eye
Flying machines so up high
Well, there goes the neighborhood

A scene set to singe innocence
Upheave, unhinge, and pit against
Like every made for TV movie should

Hello
I'm trying to focus, but my eyes decieve me
Focus
I'm witnessing history repeating

Focus, Focus
Focus (I can see now)

We are, we know, we see, we think for you
The who, the what, the when, the where, the why
We build your hill, we build you too, we see you

Hello
I'm trying to focus, but my eyes decieve me
Focus

I'm witnessing history repeating

Oh god, I love livejournal.

Really, I do.

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 03:29:34 GMT

Lately things haven't been too good. The other day I went to a SUPRIZE birthday party for my great aunt. I hung out with a whole bunch of old people andddddd talked to my cousin Lindsey. We talked for a couple minutes which seemed to be enough seeing as we never really did talk.
Terry and I have been fighting a lot lately but things are going good because we talked..

Hopefully talking will minimize the fights we have.
Hopefully things will be less stressful.
Hopefully we can go back to what we used to have.
I love him so much.

I'm going to Whitmer to sign up for classes and hopefully can make this my last year of high school.

ughhhhhhhh :]

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 05:15:10 GMT

I am disappointed that a fellow classmate at Start High School was killed by a drunk driver. These things make me scared to drive. They make me scared to be out on the streets. The biggest thing I am afraid of is Terry driving with those idiots. I love him :[

I will forever remember Sameul Macke, he taught me very interesting things.

no computer and really, it isn't needed.

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 02:28:54 GMT

I haven't been online in like forever but it is getting lame anyways. The decision was made, I am going to Whitmer next year, I am living with my grandparents, and I am going to see less of Terry.

Fed Ex sucks for me and really, I have zero friends. I also have no car, job, or any reason to leave. Morgan isn't here so I can't talk to her. I don't have a cellphone to call anyone either. I hope that Whitmer is better than start and the next year and a half I have until I am eighteen is fine.

I miss everyone but everyone is changing. I always have to change who my friends are... and that sucks.

Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day. :]

Sun, 28 May 2006 13:36:16 GMT

Terry, Tyler Monaghan, Morgan, I are going up to Csmos' cabin today... I hope that I get burnt like a lobster.

Thu, 25 May 2006 21:12:39 GMT

i have my drivers education certificate.
I took drivers ed in february.
It's so funny how people know me SO WELL!
I take my driving times in august... last date the seventeenth.. I'm pretty sure I know what I am talking about..
Some people are idiots. now who feels stupid...
and yet again.. SAy this shit to my face seeing as SOME people hate it so much..
and oh yeah..
I TALK SO MUCH SHIT BEHIND PEOPLES BACKS!

did everyone forget?

and you should'nt read my livejournal ..... get a fucking life and stay the fuck out of mine you fucking pieces of shit.

Wed, 17 May 2006 00:41:47 GMT

Movement- S.T.U.N

The space between our bodies has been corrupted
The space between our bodies has been corrupted

The people that make the laws and rules for us
They don�t give a fuck about us
Our hearts are being bought
Our minds are being washed
We must interrupt
We must interrupt

We are just a moment away

The space between our bodies has been corrupted
The space between our bodies has been corrupted

Look what we�re doing to the atmosphere
No wonder the kids drug themselves to get out of here
Perpetual motion
Is killing our emotion
So the rich can make a dollar
Make another dollar

We are just a moment away

If it�s not everyone, it will be no one
If it�s not everyone, it will be no one

All my brothers and sisters
(All my brothers and sisters)

Brothers, sisters

Movement, movement

I forgot that this song used to be my favorite.

I used to be into totally different music. I listened to my launch radio station from eighth grade. I have changed so much. So many different hairstyles and last year I wanted to be so SCENE! eighth grade I was an emo fag...

Now I just want to go to some sweet ass shows and fucking only listen to music that I like. I am not in it for the style (obvioulsy),. I really never was until I realized how hot scene chicks were.

I am a faggot. :]

I remember the first show at Vamps.. I was so intimidated by Brittany. She was wearing red flats? I don't know. I never saw her before.. Seeing as I stoped going to shows for awhile.. I don't know.. It's really weird how times change. Cody used to intimidate me too... Only because a lot of people that I went to shows with knew Cody (or talked about him).. I'd be like.. YEAH... I never did see Terry at a show until Start Battle of Bands.. I didn't think much of him seeing as he stood next to me and really.. They were there for like ten minutes at the max. It makes me laugh.

Aww. now im friends with these people. It excites me.

I love you all bitches.

Wed, 03 May 2006 19:56:34 GMT

my last day of school is may 26 but i might have to take two exams on june first.

GAY

today im going to full out do my homework. HOW EXCITING!

Wed, 03 May 2006 01:34:19 GMT

like seriously, talk about me being a fag.

he'd take me on the table and pretend he fucking me,, yet he was gay? he was one of my best friends during this time.

kayla was definately my best friend. makeup? GAY!

halloweeen. FAGS, i hung out with corey k this day. FAGS!

i wasnt even fifteen yet. AWW. no gauges.

jenna thought she was hxc. i thought i was t i g h t.

the day i met kirstie.

seriously, no.

sup amanna 18!

we were best friends!

jenna my love, we were gay

kidsss!

my babe

he was so cool!

tough conditions barbie. i foudn he near a telephone pole. I was so excited!

AWWWZ, FAGS!

ahahahhaah

lukes barn, i hung out with chris dustin and garret that night.. we talk about smoking their carpet that they had to bring to play on. terry was supposedly at this show.

FAGS!?

i think that was the last time i got high.

cuteee?

tens, yeah boi!

before some show

christmas!

some day.

sams sixes, my fours!

funny picture

done... recent pictures werent posted to long ago.

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 16:38:47 GMT

gay picture.

ahahahahahaa.

zak and kyle are the easiest to take pictures of... they are always right in front of me.

notice the repeat of this funny picture. ahahahah

that short fat kid kept staring at morgan brittany and I. Like ASNDB's whole set.

the end, my camera died.

Spring Break

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 22:18:37 GMT

^{_{Hopefully things will get better.
   Spring Break=yeah fun.. but i was hoping for more time to be happy
       Terry makes me happier than anything but i'd love to see everyone be together again.
             FOR A CHANGE.
Just I feel that some people are being left out.. In a way.. It upsets me to think that some day Terry and I won't be together.. Or something could change and no one would talk to us.. If I weren't dating Terry I pretty much wouldn't be in this whole "group" that I hardly feel I belong to.

I don't know. I just hope this summer is worth it.. I wish I did a lot more than what I have done so far this spring break.

I have changed so much since last year..

I was with my love of my life for a couple hours today. Its nice to see him for a little while.. even though gas is super expensive and I hardly ever give him money any more.

Anyone want to go look for a job with me?}}

WONDERFUL DAY;

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 03:06:15 GMT

So basically today... I wake up.. bored as hell.. I call a few friends to see whats going on..
I end up haning out with Terry around 2:30 or 3:00... We drop Blake off at the mall and then we go to Coldstone.. Terry and I ate icecream.. Thennnn.. We went to Monaghans to just chill until they have to go to this job interview/talky talky about job. I end up walking to Sams with lil clay bull.. We end up driving for about 2 hours.. We get back to Sams.. i eat all of her gum.. we decide to go for a walk. i decide to call Monaghans house to see if he is home yet.. because Terry's phone might of been in his car or something and he forgot to call me.. seeing as its like 7:50 at the time.. Josh answers.. I ask him if he has talked to Tyler.. and hes like no.. and I was like hey would it be cool if we came to visit you for a bit.. he says sure.. whatever we can just chill or whatever.. As we are walking there.. Terry finally calls me.. and he says he will be there in about a half an hour.. i tell him okay ill be at tylers with josh and them,, about fifteen or ten minutes after talking to terry we approach Tylers house.. We go inside and introduced eachother to josh or whatever.. and we sit there for a couple minutes and then tyler calls and bitches out.. andddd.. well... lets just say he was angry we were there.. we both didnt think hed get upset..buttt.. what can you do.. we walk outside.. we are sitting out there with josh.. five minutes later.. tyler calls me bitching me out.. anddd... we all decide to leave.. to show we respect him.. because i didnt want him to get more mad at me then he was before.. We leave.. I call terry like 20 times.. no one picks up at all.. im thinking he is pissed off at me.. here i am.. crying... thinking he is pissed as fuck..

ughhh.. i am still in this gloomy mood.. like seriously.. i was so upset.. i thought i was going to lose terry.. not even just terry.. i thought everyone would be mad at me for making this mistake..

AWW

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 16:11:12 GMT

HAPPY EASTER!!! <3

How exciting,

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 13:00:17 GMT

I have ANOTHER eye doctor appointment. i have gone every week to do this bullshit.
after that the lovely lauren is coming over to visit.. i will probably make her go for a walk with me.

god knows what else, i know for sure that we are going to vamps tonight.

oh god, another thing i have been SOOO PISSED OFF ABOUT-- LAUNDRY!

ahah, i think now i am expected to do my laundry.. no one told me.. i just feel that im supposed to.. since my clothes have been down stairs for like three days.. but everytime i look to do my clothes.. there are clothes in there! it makes me mad.. either my clothes becoming clean doesnt matter or... i have to do it.. but if i have to do it.. then why not take the clothes out of the washer... EVER?

UGH. such gay stuff but im mad at not having my clothes clean but then being told that id break the washer if i wash my own clothes..

ahah